Life of Pai(sho)

I’ve realized that, for a while now, I haven’t been myself. I don’t smile or laugh much. I worry about work and finances and taking care of my dog. I get annoyed over little things and little inconvenience send me reeling emotionally. I’m just not really there. We may go to see friends or do things out, but most of the time, I’m just a shell there. My personality is gone most of the time. I need help. I’m unraveling

Really emotional tonight… started thinking about my grandmother and how deeply I miss her. Then I started reviewing pictures from Europe and reminiscing on how great life was then - great friends, content with life, no real external stressors outside of my stomach; the world was my oyster and my grandma was there and family healthy.

Now I got set off by my boss’s response to me, who went home sick today and would like to WFH tomorrow, telling me “great, see you tomorrow” when I told him about getting the negative Covid test. Nothing more about how I feel or if I need time. It’s a “you have to be here almost no matter what” thing. On the one hand, I’m important to have around, but like god damn.

On my way to the hospital for some tests. Wish me luck

You can find joy in everything, when with family and friends